I love black thongs
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
