Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
