if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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