The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
