Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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