We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
