Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Panties = found
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
