it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
