I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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