She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
