they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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