I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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