I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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