hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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