How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
