Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
