ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
