I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
