he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
