remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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