took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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