Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
