i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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