I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize