i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
