it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
