It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
