Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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