So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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