which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
