1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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