It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize