In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
