I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
