Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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