I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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