just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
