every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
