We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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