you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
