Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
