I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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