this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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