Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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