1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
