I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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