Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
