Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We have started to decorate penises.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
