am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
