i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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