afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
