1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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