she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize