He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
