So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
