my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize