I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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