how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
