I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no you cant smoke seaweed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
