I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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