I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
