Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
