this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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