Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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