So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
