someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
