Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
